My children have had the unique and wonderful opportunity to grow up overseas and attend school in Bolivia and Armenia.
- We lived in Bolivia when my kids were in elementary school.
- By the time they were in middle and upper school we were living in Armenia.
- School shootings in the US impacted their mental health.
We lived in Bolivia when they were in lower elementary school and Armenia when they were in middle and upper elementary school, respectively.
However, when it came time to move back home to the US, from the outside, what we had been observing was distressing. From extreme political polarization to fears of an economic recession, to most concerning for a family with school-aged children — the rise of school shootings, the idea of returning to the United States and enrolling my now middle and high school-aged children was terrifying.
This fear for my children’s safety and relative powerlessness to protect them was further exacerbated by my inability to have good answers to the difficult questions my children were asking me. I knew that to help my children feel safe and more positively embrace the idea of returning to public school in the United States, I had to once again don the hat from my academic roots as a clinically trained social worker and set my mothering hat aside.
It was essential for me to approach these interactions with my children in this way, to be sufficiently mindful of my concerns and fears, which then put me in a better position to listen to my children and distinguish between my reactions and theirs.
I listened to them
The first and best lesson of social work is to listen. I had to listen to the thoughts and fears my children expressed to understand the impact that school shootings were having on them.
Their questions ranged from “Will I be safe?” and “Why are school shootings happening in the United States so often and not as much overseas?” As a parent, they were hard to answer, but after listening and now with greater awareness of my children’s specific concerns and feelings, I was prepared and more equipped to engage in deeper discussions.
As a family, we took part in a series of discussions that ran the gamut from bullying and mental health, which centered on the reasons that lead individuals to choose gun violence, to finding ways to use empathy and kindness toward others to identify and potentially intervene in instances of bullying, to understanding the national debate around gun control and school safety, among other topics.
I told them it’s normal to be scared
These conversations allowed us a space to put school shootings into greater context for our children and helped them understand how to articulate what they need to feel safe.
Listening to our children through these discussions taught us to accept the sad reality of school shootings in the United States, to embrace that we don’t and won’t have all the answers and that it is completely reasonable to feel scared and concerned about the possibility of a school shooting happening.
Putting my parenting hat back on to help turn the corner on their valid concerns about returning to the United States, we reassured them that while a familiar occurrence in the United States, school shootings remain rare.
We showed them that most schools, including the ones they are currently enrolled in, have implemented safety and security plans to help reassure them that significant efforts are being made on an ongoing basis to ensure their safety.
Most importantly, by carving out time for these intentional discussions, we created a safe space to share what they are thinking and feeling, and to demonstrate that they are not alone.